An adventure in surrender


Christmas is an exciting time! My little one was so convincing in his rationale as to why we should open presents early, I realised a few things: firstly that even at 5½ he’s definitely nailed the ‘power of persuasion’ and I could be in trouble come his teen years, and secondly that it’s a very good thing the big day arrived when it did because I’m not the most patient person in the world either and he almost had me convinced!

by Melinda Weese Anderson

Looking at the beautifully wrapped gifts, all just sitting waiting patiently under the tree, I imagined THEY were in no rush. They knew the joy they would bring from the unwrapping itself to the on-going joy that would follow once they were freed from their fancy wrappings. So there they sat, looking lovely and waiting patiently as the days passed.

My son and I, on the other hand, clearly have patience as a life theme to be mastered this go round. And while my son could very well have the typical brand of excitement and impatience that most kids have and outgrow, mine is a serious case. From the days of my own childhood (when one year, I actually unwrapped my Christmas gifts while mom was at work and then re-wrapped them, only to tell my mom years later what I had done – note to parents – DO NOT use that fancy foil wrapping paper as it’s very easy to get into!), through the decades to present day, I’ve struggled with patience and have repeatedly asked for help as I work on this.

And when one asks for help with mastering patience, one doesn’t just wake up one morning with the birds singing in the sunny skies and they feel an all encompassing sense of calm and patience in all that they set their eyes upon from that moment onward.

No, that’s not quite how it goes. In reality it’s goes something like this: when one asks for help with patience, they get help immediately and it comes in the form of a barrage of people, places and things all designed to give one the opportunity to practice being patient while they feel anything but.

For the past few months my plea for help with patience was definitely answered. From my business life to my personal life, I’ve been up to my eyeballs in opportunities to practice patience and these opportunities have been coming at me fast and furious! Everywhere I turn lately, there is something that I want resolved, NOW!

From major delays in business situations that I want to hurry up so I can get on with my goals, to uncomfortable or disappointing interactions with others that I just want to turn out so things would be smooth sailing in my life. I am definitely being served up all kinds of opportunities to practice patience.

And in this process, this time I realized something different that I think is the key to things unfolding very differently from here on in.

In each situation I’ve struggled with, I wanted to control the outcome thinking my plan for my goal was great. But as I looked back over the years at the circumstances of my life that parallel today’s, I’ve realised that when I try to force an outcome, and follow my plan that seems so perfect, there is often something lacking in the results.

It’s not that I don’t have good plans and experience good results, but rather, that because my plans are limited by my own limited perspective, it often turns out there’s just a little something missing from things turning out great. I’ve planned all the details, with the information, people, places and things, I’ve had at my disposal at the time but I didn’t allow much wiggle room for any other perspectives or new information to join in.

And, these days, as my impatience level soars to new heights and brings along a tremendous feeling of being out of control, I think I finally get it. I am out of control! And I’m supposed to be.

The thing is, with all my planning and goal setting and detailed action steps plotted and measured, I’ve left little room for the Universe to play. I’ve attempted to design and control the entire show based solely upon my limited perspective.

And this, as any student of metaphysics will tell you, is a sure recipe for disappointing results. And that’s exactly what’s been going on for me. Many of the experiences that are showing up are not the stellar experiences I’m looking for. In fact, in most cases, they’re really just updated versions of the experiences I’ve always experienced just a level up from the past, but still not quite what I was going for.

So with this new insight arriving smack-dab in the middle of the Christmas season, I took a look at things a little differently. And, I realised that, just as my son had written his letter to Santa and then, for the most part, forgot about it other than reminding me of all the fun he’d have if he got what he asked for, so too must I ‘write my letter about my end results’ and then forget about it other than reveling in all the fun I’d have by taking part in the experience I’ve asked for.

My son didn’t need to tell me or Santa how to ensure the toys he wanted would arrive under the tree (although one time he did suggest he come shopping with me to be sure I knew exactly what he wanted). But overall, in his own way he put out the end result, and moved on by doing his part by making good choices so he’d be sure to remain on Santa’s ‘good list’ and then he let go to let Santa make it happen. All the while trusting that it would be handled; this, after all, is Santa’s job!

And wouldn’t you know it; this is exactly the lesson for me. Rather than trying to shop with the Universe to ensure everything turns out according to my plan, I get it now; my job is not to define how it all comes about, my job is to define the end result experience I’m looking for, then take inspired action in that general direction, and completely turn it over to the Universe to bring it about. Kinda like writing a letter to Santa!

And patience is realised almost as a byproduct of doing this repeatedly. By surrendering the need to make things happen according to my plan and trusting that the Universe, with its infinite perspective and resources, will come up with exactly what I’m looking for.

Using EFT and MTT certainly helps too. The early days of letting go and letting the Universe are not always smooth sailing. But tapping on the choice to let go of old patterns and replace them with updated empowering patterns is helpful; so too is tapping on the feelings of anxiety that surface from the early days of breaking a life-long habit. The tapping combinations using EFT/MTT are plentiful and I also suggest the free-flow ‘tell a story’ method for when the general pressure builds up to ‘I can’t do this’ levels. Nothing like a free flow tapping session to get a grip and calm down enough to stay the course.

So before the New Year begins, rather than creating a standard goals list for the coming year, I’m starting a new adventure. I’m calling it an ‘adventure in surrender’ and it’s about describing the end results I’m looking for and then turning it over.

In this new adventure it’s like I’ve been promoted to the position of chief visionary and I’m no longer in the logistics department. The ‘hows’, or plans and timelines, are no longer in my jurisdiction and not for me to dwell upon. I’m the visionary and therefore responsible for: defining the vision of the ultimate experience complete with all the feelings and thoughts I’ll encounter once it’s my reality, taking regular inspired steps in the general direction of the outcome, and surrendering the hows to logistics. And given logistics is headed up by none other than the Universe, trust that it’s handled!

I’m looking forward to this new adventure and I invite you to join me by heading into the New Year this way also. Define the experiences you are looking for and then take regular small inspired steps in the general direction of that experience while trusting that the Universe is doing its part by filling in all the big hows to bring it about. Be sure to do lots of tapping as a support strategy for when it feels awkward or you get frustrated.

And feel free to drop me a line letting me know how it’s unfolding for you.

Melinda Weese Anderson
Live In The Moment

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