The missing aspect

bennie naude

A story of persistence (and a life changing breakthrough)

I’ve had ‘anger issues’ for a long time. Not the type that you would necessarily see if you met me, but the type that usually exploded when I was alone.

by Bennie Naude

Despite tapping on this for years, I found myself getting angrier and angrier – with the world, God, people, things, places, and of course, myself. It started a downwards spiral where I would expect things to go wrong and then, when they did, I would explode; eventually I ended up spending most of my time feeling angry, resentful and hurt.

I took time out, worked less and re-started my meditation practice; at first the anger persisted, then it got worse – I got so angry that I started physically hurting myself with my fists; not great when you’re an EFT practitioner, and there were only a very few people I felt I could tell.

I resisted any medication because I knew for me that there had to be another way out. I took two months off; I worked less and slept more. I exercised daily, changed my diet, cut out sugar and caffeine, had the metal fillings in my teeth replaced with white ones.

Yet the anger persisted and led to an array of other emotional problems ... shame, depression, hopelessness and of course, more anger; rage begets rage.

I’ve been an EFT practitioner for almost 10 years and have tapped on hundreds of clients and myself over a thousand hours. I’ve led tapping groups, am an EFT trainer, created my own workshops, studied and tapped with some of the world’s best practitioners and worked with phenomenally gifted therapists, coaches, facilitators and psychologists. I’ve studied various other modalities like ShadowWork, The Sedona Method and Byron Katie and I have almost 15 years’ international experience in men’s work. I regularly work through my ‘stuff’ in my men’s group and most of my friends are into range of spirituality, phycology, mythology, shamanism. I am surrounded by ‘this stuff’ and all things considered I’d say I know a lot about how it (anger) hangs together.

Yet I was stuck.

And then for some reason I tuned into Stacey Vornbrock’s session on anger during the Tapping World Summit in March 2011.

When she mentioned the possibility that we could become addicted to the chemical of anger, I knew she was onto something. When she said that for some clients she won’t even tap on the situation that made them angry, but tap on the addiction to (or craving for) anger instead, I really knew she was onto something. [I had tapped my fingers sore on specific situations that I’d been angry about, and at best had slight relief. Until the next time it happened, when I’d get angry again.] I tapped through Stacey’s session and decided to tap for the addiction to/craving for anger every single time I got angry. I wasn’t confident that I would keep it up (when I’m angry, I want to be angry!) so I made a commitment to my men’s group that I would continue to do it for at least a week.

During that week, every single time I got angry and when I felt the rage surging in my body (and it was often!) I would tap on the addiction. On my body, my cells and my being craving the chemical of anger. I’d not tap on the specifics of the situation but instead acknowledge my deeper, underlying desire to be angry (which, if you know my past, makes perfect sense) and then tap on my body releasing the cravings. I tapped on my love affair with (addiction to) drama and my ability to attract and create situations where I could get angry.

Acknowledging all this really helped me to get in touch with my compassion for myself, my body and my cravings/addiction to the feeling/chemical of anger.

Sometimes I’d not feel like tapping but then I’d remember my commitment to the men in my men’s group and I did it anyway.

The result?

In a nutshell, it’s turned my life around in a couple of weeks.

Within seconds of me tapping using this approach the rage would literally evaporate; I would feel it subside and instead I would connect with compassion for myself and my body having these cravings.

Within days I’d had my first rage-free day in what seems like months. Within a week I’d jumped back into my business and into life with focus, determination and passion.

And the anger?

Now I include a few rounds of this tapping every morning as part of my spiritual practice. I’m open to the possibility that a part of me may always crave the sensation of being angry; it goes back a long, long way – even before my time. And even if that is true, I have found a way to help me through it every single time; besides, there is nothing wrong with anger – it’s a basic human emotion like all the others; what I have released and continue to release, is me wanting to be angry, the physiological craving for the chemicals of anger, adrenaline and cortisol.

I still get frustrated over trivial things sometimes and yes, I lost my temper with Microsoft on the phone a few days ago (an easy thing to do, I tell myself!). Of course I wish it didn’t happen but when I tap on the addiction/craving during or immediately after these incidents the feeling almost immediately releases, leaving room for calm, hope and rational thinking.

Yesterday when a number of things went wrong and I felt the surge of rage come up, I immediately tapped on it; within a few minutes I got in touch with a lot of grief that the anger was covering up (it’s often easier for men to use anger to cover up their grief, as it is often easier for women to cover up their anger with grief). I worked through the grief and was able to return to a state of calm acceptance.

The lessons for me are many.

  • Persist no matter what; I could have given up on EFT a long time ago since it clearly ‘didn’t work for me’
  • The importance of aspects; when I hit the right aspect – it just worked
  • The importance of continuing to learn; if I thought I already knew it all I’d not have tuned into the Tapping World Summit and missed out on a truly awesome life gift
  • The importance of experiencing/working with other professionals; I regularly contract other practitioners to help me; that way I keep learning from others – both what works for me and what doesn’t – and I’m able to incorporate that into my client work immediately.

I am profoundly grateful for this life-changing experience and to pass on the gift Iíll be offering free group tapping sessions on the internet. If you are struggling with anger or you know someone who is, email me on bennie@deepliving.com and Iíll keep you posted.

And, a special thank you to Stacey Vornbrock for planting the seed!

Bennie Naude
Advanced EFT Practitioner and Trainer
Email: bennie email Web: www.deepliving.com

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