SELF HELP (Homework) for clients and yourSELF: forgiveness, especially self forgiveness


Carl Jung, the noted psychoanalyst, once wrote: “That I feed the poor, forgive an insult, and love my enemy – these are great virtues. But what if I should discover that the poorest of the beggars and most impudent of offenders are all within me, and that I stand in need of the alms of my own kindness – that I, myself, am the enemy who must be loved. What then?”

by Ranjana Appoo

Many EFT Practitioners have embarked on a self acceptance project on some stage of their journey (if you have not then this is something that is truly magnificent to embark on) the most notable being Steve Wells’ well written account of his 30-day Self Acceptance Project.

Forgiveness is realising that what you thought happened, didn’t.
Byron Katie

I, too, was inspired to undertake a similar project of self acceptance for 30 days and experienced a big shift in my confidence levels. Later, in 2006, I undertook a 40-day forgiveness project.

I now encourage my clients, trainees and anyone interested in radical change to undertake such a project. But first let’s be clear about forgiveness. This act of forgiveness is interpreted by each person to suit their needs. For me, forgiveness is for-giving-love, for-giving-truth, for-giving-freedom.

This was a very simple project and yet so profound. The how-to of this project is easy. Whenever you have any thought, idea or issue that shows up in your awareness as something that you may want to heal, simply say to yourself: “Even though this is showing up or I have this habit or this is happening, I forgive myself.”

Once we find compassion for ourselves, it is easier to find compassion for others. Anne Truitt wrote: “It takes kindness to forgive oneself for ones life. Forgiving oneself requires the same compassion, understanding and insight we might apply to forgiving others. We come to recognise that we are perfect but not yet perfected – that we make mistakes and continue to learn as we stumble towards the light.”

It does not matter if you do this self help 30 times or more or less in a day, it does not matter when, the only thing that matters is repeating ‘I forgive myself,’ over and over for however many days you choose to do this. The first thing that happened for me was my level of self awareness increased exponentially. Every time I noted any kind of self talk that was negative (backbiting) that put me down or anybody else down, I simply repeated, I forgive myself or I forgive myself unconditionally, I wouldn’t go into any depth with my thoughts or feelings, I rarely checked my suds.

Sometimes, the same issues surfaced over and over, I simply tapped with I forgive myself or I forgive myself unconditionally, over and over for 40 days. This project profoundly impacted my life. I remember at the end of my forgiveness project thinking, judgments come and go I no longer need to be attached to them, I could be free from the stories that held them in place now. I learnt that forgiveness returns us to a place of truth and liberates us from toxic emotions and draining attachments. It is the ultimate mind-body-soul detox.

Comments on forgiveness from A Course in Miracles

“Those who forgive are thus releasing themselves from illusions, while those who withhold forgiveness are binding themselves to them. As you condemn only yourself, so do you forgive only yourself.”

“The unforgiven have no mercy to bestow upon another. That is why your sole responsibility must be to take forgiveness for yourself. The miracle that you receive, you give.”

“As I look about, I condemn the world I look upon. I call this seeing. I hold the past against everyone and everything, making them my enemies. When I have forgiven myself and remembered Who I AM, I will bless everyone and everything I see. There will be no past, and therefore no enemies. And I will look with love on all that I failed to see before.”

We choose our own realities. I don’t think I really understood that until I came to a point in my evolution where I heard myself think/ say I am finally ready to let go of the past, of all the past. And perhaps the future can take care of itself ... this was a turning point in my consciousness.

Fear is the greatest hurdle to self acceptance, love and freedom. The symptoms of fear are anger, hate, sadness, envy, and betrayal. When the fear is too great the reasoning mind begins to fail. To heal the disease of fear is to heal the wounds of emotional pain, take the poison out. The easy way to do this is forgiveness. Forgiveness is a profound way to heal. Releasing the judge and the victim, we end the cycle of self rejection and self acceptance begins, and so the experience of self love starts to grow.

So to the question, how do I forgive myself? Simply by saying the words, holding the EFT points, until there is only understanding, compassion and kindness, then of course we learn there is nothing to forgive.

Hope this stirs the fire of compassion in your life.

Ranjana Appoo
The Emotional Health Centre
Co- Creator of LiberatingTouch-EFT and The Emotional Toothbrush Series
PS. check out this great forgiveness audio protocol.
For a written script email me at emotional health email

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