EmotionalBuzz

Follow up with Frances – a case study

Michelle Hardwick follows up a case study that she presented at Gathering 2010 in Ilkley in January. “Frances and I had agreed by email to meet on Skype,” she says. “I managed to tape my side of our conversation (I was unaware of how to tape her responses) and I took notes. She reported that she felt amazing straight after the live tapping demonstration we had done on stage. The following has been verified by Frances.”

Frances explained that she had recently had a dream, about healing a trauma that had occurred when she was 16 years old. She had been beaten up at a fair. She shared that she’d already worked on it previously. She was badly beaten up when she was 16, and she remembered her mouth filling up with blood and the trauma of the whole experience.

Coincidentally Frances also shared that very recently she had met a friend of hers who was there when the incident happened at 16, when Frances had been beaten up. They had talked about the incident and her friend was able to clarify that although in Frances’ perception Frances was there all alone, her friend shared that in fact she was there and had even tried to help Frances.

I asked Frances to think about the intense dream that she had had and give it a SUDs rating 0-10. She said anywhere between 8-10, if she were to go into the fear of the experience. I also asked Frances to go back to the time when she was beaten up, and to go back to the memory of being 16 (she noted that immediately that she did that, her body had an involuntary movement again).

I asked her what she called that – she said a spasm. So I clarified the body just spasmed when she went into the memory. And I asked for her to rate the feeling of that now. “6-8,” she said. So I asked what was it about that situation that she just cannot or will not let go of about the trauma. She explained that it was to do with the fear of dying, the terror of dying, the trauma of the violence. There were physical sensations and she felt vulnerable, shame and resentment.

I checked that Frances had water with her before we started (to assist her body to easily release negative/toxic emotions).

I am almost always 100% guided by my intuition when working with clients and I felt it was necessary to go back to the 16 year old experience to the image of the 16 year old, and the body spasm that happened there. Somehow she was still holding that in the physical body. My feeling was to go for that first and then tidy up with the dream afterwards. I checked how she felt about that. Frances was in agreement.

We tapped:

KC “Even though my body is still holding the trauma from when I was 16 years old, and my body just spasms, maybe it’s still processing the shock and the trauma ... [Frances agreed that felt true.] An aahh sound came out of her when she said the last statement. I asked what that was and she said her body was acknowledging the accuracy of what had been said. We continued “and I honour my body for not fully letting it go, and I forgive my body for holding onto it, and I’m grateful for my body for holding onto it, because I couldn’t mentally cope with the trauma.”

Frances stuttered and was unable to get this statement out so I asked her to repeat it: “I couldn’t mentally cope with the trauma”. She was still unable to say it, so I asked her to repeat “I can’t let this go, I won’t let this go, my mind could not fully cope with the trauma. So my body agreed to take it on and it’s still upholding that agreement.”

I asked if this felt true. She agreed. I continued: “I deeply and completely honour the journey I have taken.”

“Even though when I was 16 I was so badly beaten up. (Her body spasmed again) And my body keeps spasming, even like the mention of that – it’s like my body gets attacked. (I checked if the information I was getting was accurate, she agreed.) and it’s ok, I’m ok, I’m safe now, that was a long time ago, I’m not that person anymore (asked if that was true she agreed), I don’t wear the same clothes, or eat the same foods, I don’t even live in that house, and it’s ok and I thank my body for this amazing response – because it kept me safe and it kept me alive. And I deeply and completely honour my body and all of its responses.”

“Even though, in the past, that experience was overwhelming for my physical body and it has been stored in my physical body. (Frances shared she had just had a powerful insight about her own family as a result of the past statements) And our family has carried the same blueprint within the female lineage. (Frances shared more about her family which she asked for me not to include here). And I deeply and completely honour this victim part of myself, I deeply and completely honour the inherited victim part of myself.”

• EB – This blueprint has been handed down
• SE – Throughout the generations, female abuse
• UE – female trauma, female shock, female degradation
• UN – not honouring the feminine
• Chin – not accepting the feminine
• CB – disregarding the feminine
• UA – abusing the feminine
• EB – and I know I’ve done that to myself
• SE – many many times and it stops now
• UE – So I honour the pain my (name of family member withheld) went through
• UN – I honour the pain my (family member) went through
• CB – I honour the pain my (family member) went through
• UA – And my body is still carrying the memory of this link somehow. (Frances’ body spasmed again)
• EB – In this behaviour called body spasm. (Frances shared feelings that were coming up and I added them)
• SE – This fear of dying
• UE – this terror of dying
• UN – this shock of potential death
• Chin – this trauma and violence, (she added how she felt then and I added this aspect)
• CB – this vulnerability. [My intuition lead me with the next bit of information]
• UA – These wounds of betrayal
• EB – These wounds of humiliation
• SE – these wounds of injustice
• UE – these wounds of rejection
• UN – these wounds of abandonment
• Chin – We've carried them within our lineage for lifetimes
• UA – alongside the shame and resentment. And it stops now
• Top of head – I decree that it stops now. In my full will, power and intention, I decree that it stops right now!

We both took a deep breath in; released and then we both had a drink of water.

I asked how she felt now. Frances said there was an opening in her heart area, and a feeling of vulnerability in the belly. I asked if there was anything else coming up in her awareness.

She explained about a sexual trauma in her life and I asked her to go back to the earliest memory of sexual trauma in her life. This was at the age of 14.

I asked if it was ok to honour the little child in Frances and the earliest memory which was at 14. I then asked Frances what that trauma meant to her, what did she interpret that to be about herself? I asked if we could find words that described the trauma that a 14 year old would use. Frances said powerless, upset and used. Really confused, upset, not enough boundaries.

I wanted to check about the dream and the fear of the dream. What rating would that be now? It seemed that all these aspects were all linked, the fear of dying; the terror of dying, and the trauma of that. Frances said the rating seemed to have gone. I asked if there was anything that was left there?

We followed the thread of what was presented and what came up through my intuition to see what else would come up from there.

KC “Even though I felt powerless for lifetimes, and this abuse and self-abuse has been going on for lifetimes. I felt so upset and so used, nobody knows how used I felt, used and abused, confused, upset with no boundaries or not enough boundaries, and the earliest sexual trauma in my life was at age 14." Frances felt there was a part of her that felt it was earlier than that. We continued.

“Even though there’s a little child within me that feels it was earlier than that. And I honour that small child within me, that small sharp space that’s intense, (Frances stumbled with the words so we repeated them) the small sharp space that’s intense (no stumble so we moved on, it had cleared), feeling lighter and freer, within my body and I’m so grateful to my body for storing all of these generational inherited memories. And past lifetime memories. And it’s ok, I wonder if it’s safe to let them all go now? I wonder if I could empower myself to let them go now? I wonder what’s still holding on that’s unresolved? And I deeply and completely want to accept myself.”

“Even though I vowed I would never let go of the vulnerability, the vulnerability does not protect me, it’s actually dangerous for my health, so anything less than completely releasing this vulnerability, is not keeping me totally safe. I couldn’t let go of the shame, won’t let go of the resentment couldn’t possibly let go of the trauma and violence, I have this fear of dying and there’s no way I’m letting go of that! This terror of dying has been with me for lifetimes, and it’s ok, I am safe now, and I’ve lived many lifetimes so my soul will continue when my body is no more. And I deeply and completely honour my body and all of it’s spasms.”

• EB – the earliest memory around 14
• SE – I remember that trauma
• UE – I still remember that trauma
• UN – and it linked me in to my mother lineage
• Chin – somehow I became hooked into that trauma lineage
• CB – somehow that trauma lineage and generational lineage hooked into me
• UA – and I have been unable to unhook it ever since
• EB – and I wonder what else I need to release
• SE – in order to have peace (there was a spasm so I asked if there was anything else Frances need to release). A memory at the age of 5 came up but she had no detail
• UE – So my body is recalling something
• UN – that I don’t have conscious awareness of
• Chin – but maybe it remembers something I don’t
• CB – That my Mum’s partner Rupert (name changed for privacy) created or connected into me
• UA – I wonder whether it’s his energy that is hooked into mine

Frances shared more that her body felt freer, she was aware and felt fine, and free, lighter and then we continued:

“I ask for all forms of energy and imprints of energy from Rupert to be removed from my cells and cellular memories, tissues organs, energy field, from within and without be removed and released right now. I decree that all silver threads from Rupert are now severed. So I call upon the violet flame and I ask for it to be flooded through my body, within and without to remove all particles, all silver threads, anything that is not mine, that belonged to Rupert or anybody else, be removed from my body forthwith, immediately, for good, right now. So be it and so it is! So be it and I give thanks that this is done. That little girl can feel safe now.”

Deep breath and water for us both.

I asked Frances if anything came up or if any thoughts that came up? She said that the wounding was still holding in her body in response to Rupert. She also had thoughts about her wanting her Father. She wanted her Father to protect her from Rupert and also wanted him physically to be there with her more. Because Frances’s Father wasn't there.

For me, it felt like this was generational as well. I felt to do another round and then to check in with the SUDs level again.

KC – ’So even though the men have always been absent in my generational lineage. These unavailable men. That have been there through my lineage or not been there through my lineage. Wanting the masculine to protect me, little Frances wanted her Dad to be there, little Frances just wanted her Dad. I just wanted my Dad, I wanted him to protect me, he needed to be there more for me, and I didn’t feel safe without him there. I put my safety in him and he’s held the energy of my safely ever since. So now I reclaim my safety from my father and install the programme inside myself. I gave it away when I was really young and I haven’t claimed it since. But now with my full will, power and intention, I reclaim my power and my safety back from my Father. (Frances stumbled with the words so we repeated them) I reclaim my power and safety back from my Father. And I deeply and completely honour and respect my body.”

“Even though if I went into the fear of it, (Frances said she felt this was generational) and that’s been passed down through the generations too, so I hand back that fear with love and I ask that it be cleansed through the whole generational lineage, back to Source with love. And I ask for the violet flame of transmutation to flood through my generations to remove this fear. And I unhook myself from the fear matrix now. And I deeply and completely want to accept myself.”

“Even though no wonder my Mother was attracted to an alcoholic, there’s still this need to rescue, and I hold that energy within myself, this ‘needing to be rescued by my father’ energy, and therefore I attracted men who needed to be rescued. I’m still playing out that karmic response somehow. Now I’m coming back to rescue myself and rescue little Frances. And I release this need to rescue other men and I welcome in empowered, balanced, men who hold a stronger vibration of love and balance with the masculine and feminine because that’s what I emit or give out now. And I deeply and completely want to accept myself anyway.”

• EB – this wounding that’s still held in my body in response to Rupert (Frances spasmed and I asked what had come up, she said fear)
• SE – this Rupert fear, I wanted my Dad
• UE – Little Frances wanted him to protect her
• UN – This generational fear
• Chin – For my Dad to be there more
• CB – I’ve been carrying this generational fear for lifetimes, and it stops now
• UA – I choose the opposite of fear, I choose love
• EB – I am divine love
• SE – I am divine wisdom and truth
• UE – I am divine knowledge and power
• UN – This physical sensation of fear
• Chin – I was badly beaten up when I was 16 (I wanted to check her bodily response and no spasm occurred when this statement was said) I continued to check with previous statements that had created body spasms previously:
• CB – This body spasm and the fear of dying
• UA – This vulnerability, this Rupert fear (Frances said something had come up a little bit with this statement)
• SE – This residual Rupert fear, I couldn’t possibly let this go now
• UE – this fear of the fear of it happening again, this remaining fear, this residual fear
• UN – releasing this fear, releasing all elements and aspects of this fear
• Chin – now wanting to release all elements and aspects of this fear
• CB – I can’t let go of all elements and aspects of this fear
• UA – I won’t let go, it's not safe to let of of it
• Top of head – because if I did let go of it all, (I asked what would be the worst thing that would happen if she let it go? Frances said she wasn’t sure that she would be safe or protected) we continued: will I be safe and will I be protected?
• CB – how can I be sure? But while I’m holding onto a fear vibration, I’m attracting more fear based experiences
• UA – so if I hold the energy of love and trust that I have evolved from that fear, I won’t attract any more of those experiences
• Top of head – and little Frances doesn’t have to save me now, because I’m here now, I have other strategies and skills if it did happen again I wouldn’t have the same response, I have other strategies now as an adult. (Frances stumbled) I have other strategies now as an adult.

Breath, water. I then asked Frances to go back to the intense dream that she had been having and to feel into it again and literally try and get upset about it, to give it her best shot.

Frances said it felt good now. That she felt still now. Really still. I asked her to go back into the memory of being badly beaten up at 16. When she talked about a part of the memory Frances put her hand right over her mouth. I asked what that was. She said there was still a subtle feeling and a residue there in her teeth. She said that when she was badly beaten up that she had been kicked in the face really hard, and that she held the feeling in her mouth, teeth, and the trauma was still there. She remembered the blood. It was a strange feeling with a SUDs level 5 out of 10.

The feeling was a tingling in her teeth, her gums were remembering that her teeth had been kicked back in her mouth and the feeling of vulnerability. We tapped on this other aspect:

I also checked on the fear of the dream before we began, was there any other residual bit/feeling – Frances said ‘the dream is fine’. I also checked about the body spasm and the fear of dying, terror, trauma, vulnerability, shame and resentment. Any of those things kick off there. She said no.

We moved to the rating of the 5 out of 10 teeth feeling and began:

KC “Even though I’m feeling really still now, and this allows my gums and opportunity to speak, and for my teeth to come forward and to acknowledge the pain and the trauma and the shock, that’s been held within my mouth, this subtle residue still held in the memory of my teeth and therefore all of my meridians, so no wonder my body spasms like this, as every single tooth connects to a meridian. (I explained I have a chart that shows the teeth and what each of these responds to in terms of meridians and if Frances wanted it I could send it to her. I suggested it would be good to tap and clear the ones that had been affected when she had been beaten up). And so I remember being kicked in the face very badly. I was really hard, this strange emotional feeling, held within my mouth and my teeth and the trauma and the blood and my mouth filling up with blood.”

Her voice shifted she made a sound, almost like an acknowledgement from her body.

We continued: “and I've held onto that for so long. And I am asking my body is it safe to let it go now.” Frances said her body felt no, it wasn’t safe to let it go. We continued: “It’s not safe to let it go now. I couldn’t possibly let it go now. Parts of me don’t want to let this go. I like holding onto this because it hooks me into ... I asked Frances what did it hook her into?... She said it hooked into her teeth, she was aware of a tingling in her teeth and explained what has now coming up for Frances. And I deeply and completely accept myself anyway.”

We continued with the last pieces of information: “Even though I have this 5 out of 10 tingling in my teeth, this memory still trapped within my gums, this remembering of trauma andn shock within my gums, my teeth being kicked back in my mouth, and the vulnerability of that.

“And I deeply and completely honour my body, I honour my teeth, my gums and my jaw and my mouth for holding all that blood and not being able to let go of the trauma until today. And I deeply and completely accept myself anyway.”

• EB – This tingling in my teeth
• SE – This strange emotional feeling
• UE – This subtle residue still held within my teeth
• UN – Kicked in the face really hard, it was so hard, kicked in the face was really hard
• Chin – In my mouth, and my teeth, the trauma of the blood
• CB – The trauma of the blood, bleeding everywhere
• UA – inside and out, and I felt there was nobody there, I was completely on my own
• EB – Nobody there to rescue and save me
• SE – At least not in my awareness in that split second, in that moment
• UE – but my girlfriend said she’d tried to help me, and she did
• UN – so there is some memory and recognition of that (Frances shared other aspects that were surfacing which I included: )
• Chin – Being hunted like an animal, this pack mentality
• CB – The vulnerability of being the victim of a pack of animals
• UA – And maybe I did that to them in a previous life....so now the karma is complete... I’m wiping the slate clean...and I give thanks to my teeth, my gums and my jaw, I give thanks to my mouth for holding all of these experiences, traumas and emotions. I wonder if it’s safe to let it go now?
• EB – And I ask my jaw to unwind now, I ask my teeth to unwind now
• SE – I ask my mouth to unwind now, because
• UE – in the moment of the trauma and the shock
• UN – it spun and got so wound up it’s been like that ever since.
• Chin – It’s safe to unwind from that pain now
• CB – And unhook from that pain now
• UA – It’s time for a change

We took a deep breath and had water.

I checked how Frances was feeling. She said that she was feeling nauseous and wanted to release the way we had on stage in the EFT Gathering. We released the nausea by taking a deep breath in; moving the body forward while sticking out the tongue (to release and extend the trapped nausea in the stomach and the meridian) and saying ‘aaaaahhhaaahhhh!’ I also asked Frances to notice any other awarenesses that she had while doing this. We did the tongue out/stomach meridian move 3x

I asked how Frances was doing now and to check in her stomach see how she was going. My intuition was telling me there was still some of the feeling in there, it was clear and it was still holding on. I asked if Frances knew whether it was a belief, a decision, a feeling, a sensation, emotion. I also asked what was it?

Frances explained it was the memory of the decision “I want to die” that had come up. I asked Frances to finish the following sentence: “I want to die because”.... [Frances completed it with ] The trauma was too much.

Frances began to explain how she was feeling and I immediately had the intuition that we would need to do a contract breaking process I had learned in New Zealand.

I explained that often we make agreements and contracts that are made when we have a lot of emotion. For example, when we say vehemently “I’m NEVER going to...” this creates a powerful contract in the Akashic Records and stays there (as a Psychological Reversal) until the contract is broken and then healed. Sometimes we don’t let whatever it is go, as we fear that it’ll be touch much to let go at one time or in one go. I briefly explained to Frances in broad terms about the Eastern Philosophies of the Akashic records, for example, the saying what goes around comes around and that everything you say think or do is stored in the records which are like Libraries of Light. That the contracts were all the records in the library and these also record our karma. And that everyone has free will to change these records/contracts and that Frances was now in the process of clearing this unfinished business with herself when she made this decision during the trauma when she was being beaten up, that she wanted to die. I agreed that in that moment it was so powerful that that was the only option she had, however now, I asked, did Frances want to die now? She said no. I explained that the decision was still sitting there even though she has moved on and shifted a lot of stuff. That decision is still holding. I asked if this felt congruent with Frances, she said yes.

I explained that every-time contracts and records are released like this our life becomes more simple and easy. So that those types of life experiences no longer need to be attracted that perhaps in the past created pain, or disempowerment. It is also possible not only to change the records, but also to mine our Akasha for qualities/strengths that we have previously held but don’t currently or fully have or have not yet mastered in this life, for example, a great healer, a great musician, oracle. Somehow these skills get locked behind the veil, and we are able to go back and get them all.

So we tapped on the KC to empty the record whilst saying the entire protocol which uses specific wording (like a verbal contract with someone) but adding in specific phrases pertaining to Frances:

“By Divine Decree in the name of God/dess and under the Law of Grace, Love and Karma, Universal, Cosmic and Karmic Laws I now break all agreements I may have made across time, spaces and dimensions in relationship to not releasing the repressed emotions of my previous lifetimes to Source in the fear that this will be too much to release at any time. I break this contract that I want to die the trauma was too much, the disfiguration was too much. And I now give permission for all unconscious feelings that I have repressed in my body, mind and soul on the Earth or in any other dimension or lifetime, to be lifted from my being and transmuted into love.

I ask for karmic absolution in relationship to these emotions and decisions about wanting to die, it was too much, the trauma was too much, the disfiguration was too much and I offer my heart and intentional forgiveness to all that I may have affected negatively in relationship to this. I ask for full karmic clearing in regards to this and call to the Karmic Board to release me from any conscious or unconscious contracts, decisions, patterns, behaviours or agreements: past, present or future; [change hands] that I may not be aware of or that I am aware of in regards to binding my energy and my body through the unconscious realms. I call forth for a full clearing of my energy body, memory and cellular memory from any realms of unconsciousness and ask for full clearing assistance in regards to this so I may reclaim my soul’s energy fully and completely, wholly through the unified field of love and Christ Consciousness. I ask now and forever more that I be unbound through all time, space, dimensions, universes and parallel universes, frequencies, octaves and the void from the unconscious expression of all beings. So be it!

And give thanks that this is done. I call to the Karmic Board and my body to release the original core memory, experience, record, behaviour, decision, pattern, programme and belief that has been held that created me to behave in this way. I ask for my records to be updated to include these changes and that anything that comes up from this moment on is a separate issue and is not connected with this. I ask for all cause and effect all patterns and programmes all disfiguration, all trauma and the decision to die all blood to be placed into the violet flame and transmuted into love. So be it!”

I checked how Frances felt. She said she felt it was true, that it felt good.

We checked the stomach. She said it felt fine.

I asked her to try and get the feeling back. She said it was still holding onto that little bit of shock. I asked Frances what was her feeling about this.

I asked what it got from doing that? Holding onto that little bit of shock? What did the stomach with this behaviour do or avoid?

She explained.... not fully released it. I asked if it was ok, like we had done with the body, if we actually acknowledged the nervous system. Because in some way it was ‘dissed’ or disrespected by that comment. And that Frances was going through what was a natural process for her. Just feels like it would be good to honour that as well. Frances agreed. We discussed about the timing as Frances had somewhere else to go in a short while.

We decided to do a little more and then she would go to her next appointment.

There was a little bit left in the nervous system. We tapped KC: “Even though my nervous system is holding onto a little bit of shock and it’s justified in feeling that way. It can’t let go of that little bit of shock, it won’t let go of that little bit of shock, I was processing it in my own way and it was perfect for me, and then someone told me to pull myself together and my nervous system has never forgotten that, and it felt like an attack on my nervous system it was doing everything it could to help me and they said ‘Pull yourself together!’. So somehow it stopped the process of healing and evolution and I deeply and completely accept myself.”

“Even though my nervous system hasn’t fully released it yet, I wonder when it’s safe to let that go, I wonder if my nervous system feels safe enough to let it go in time. [I asked what it felt like. Frances said she remembered that she had survived]. And I remember that I did survive and it has helped me be who I am today. It’s one of those ingredients in my unique recipe that gives me so much understand and compassion. Thank you nervous system you did an amazing job, you are still doing an amazing job. And I deeply and completely accept myself.”

“Even though my nervous system has been holding onto a little bit of shock, it’s ok. It hasn’t fully released yet, the process was stopped but it can be completed now we can bring it to completion now. It’s safe to complete this now and I deeply & completely accept myself.”

• EB – Bringing it to completion
• SE – Thank you nervous system
• UE – you have done an amazing job
• UN – I honour you, my nervous system
• Chin – You hadn’t fully released it
• CB – and I understand why
• UA – This clearing of myself
• EB – They said ‘Pull Yourself Together!’ and I hadn’t fully let it go
• SE – Holding onto a little bit of shock and trauma
• UE – Pull yourself together
• UN – Stop the process
• CB – Little bit of that nervous system holding on
• Chin – Hasn’t fully released yet
• UA – This little bit of nervous system holding on

Breath and water.

Frances said that she felt tired. I explained that sometimes when the body has been spasmed and clenched that when we let it go, the body is like “aahhh” released and exhausted. Like “Finally I can let this go”. That’s the kind of energy that comes with it. I encouraged Frances to keep up with drinking water to keep her flush out the emotions/toxins she was releasing. I asked her to email me if she had any other dreams or anything like that. I asked her to keep in touch and to record what she had seen, observed, anything else, anything she is aware of, or what we might work on in future, to keep me posted on how things are going.

My thanks and gratitude go to Frances for being so brave in coming up on stage and sharing her and her family details and also for allowing me to share this case with the AAMET. I learned a lot from this experience.

Personally I feel there are still aspects to be worked on. In the next follow up I would like to address them as well as returning to check the previous triggers and comments. Frances’s email comments were:

Kind regards

Michelle Hardwick
EFT Adv. Trainer & Practitioner
www.michellehardwick.com
Ph: 07857369619

P.S.
Many thanks to Ranjana Appoo for her comments in her review of the EFT Gathering 2010. They presented an opportunity for self-review and for this I am very grateful.

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