Infertility emotions

Louise Woods

Susan came to see me because she was not pregnant yet. She had been trying for a long time and was very frustrated. She was feeling many negative emotions and feeling like a freak for having all these negative emotions. I reassured her that all of these feelings were normal and very common with women with fertility issues. There was a bit of relief when she heard this. We used EFT on the fact that she felt like a freak for feeling these emotions and all the guilt she felt for having these feelings, as well as tapping on all the negative emotions. The client’s name has been changed to insure privacy.

by Louise Woods

At the beginning of the session, Susan declared herself a ‘worrier’, a ‘stress head’ and said that she was a very negative person.

We started tapping on her strongest emotions, which were jealousy and envy. These rated 9 or 10 on the SUDS level.

Even though I feel so jealous of my neighbour because she’s got a baby and I haven’t, I'm open to accepting myself and my feelings

Even though I feel envious and I don’t want to think about my neighbour because it’s so unfair that she’s got a baby and I haven’t, I accept how I feel about this

Even though I feel jealous of my neighbour – she’s a lucky cow and it’s so unfair that she’s got a baby and I haven’t, I’m open to accepting myself

Even though I’m not happy with myself and I constantly wish I was someone else, I accept all my feelings about this.

After several rounds the jealousy and envious feelings had subsided to 0. To test this I got Susan to visualise her neighbour again. She laughed and said: “I could visualise her no problem, whereas in the past I wouldn’t have wanted to think about her.” She added that she felt less nasty towards her neighbour and could feel a shift had taken place.

Next we addressed her ‘I shoulds’. I should be grateful for everything I do have. I should have children by now, it’s not fair, my brother and sister have children, why haven’t I? We tapped on:

Even though I should be grateful for everything I do have, I don’t feel grateful, I feel life isn’t fair and I’m open to accepting myself

Even though I should be grateful for everything I do have, I feel what have I done to deserve this and I’m open to accepting myself

Even though it’s not fair, my brother and sister have children, what makes me different, what have I done that means I haven’t got children yet, I accept my feelings about this.

Tapping through the points using:
Why me?
What have I done to deserve this
It’s not fair
Life isn’t fair
My brother and sister have children
Why haven’t I got children
What’s so different about me
I should feel grateful for everything I do have, but I just don’t
I wish I was someone else
Everyone else is much happier than me

The feeling ‘what have I done’ dropped from a 10 to a 0 after a few rounds. There was also a cognitive shift about ‘everyone is much happier than me’. This had transformed to ‘I don’t really know that other people are happy – it could just be a front! I don’t know what goes on in other people's lives.’

We also tapped on the physical issue of the cysts on her ovaries, using:

Even though I have these cysts on my ovaries and it’s so unfair, I accept how I feel about them

Even though these cysts on my ovaries are stopping me from getting pregnant, I wish they weren’t there and I accept the message they are trying to give me

Even though I hate having these cysts, I thank them for giving me this message even though I don’t know what that message is yet.

Susan wasn’t experiencing any physical problems from having these cysts, so we continued to focus on the emotions she felt about having them. For those with pain or discomfort, I’d recommend tapping on that, too.

Checking in with Susan towards the end of the session, most of her negative emotions were down to 1 or 0. She was feeling more ‘normal’ about having these feelings, the guilt had really reduced even though we hadn’t specifically tapped on it. Susan felt different now and could no longer relate to some of the statements she had previously stated. We stopped there because I at the end of the session, I like to tap on positives statements.

We used:

Maybe I can see the glass as half full
What if the glass was half full
What if I could be more positive
Maybe I can try to see things more positively
What if I could be a more positive person
What if I could believe I will get pregnant
Maybe I will have a baby
What if I could be positive and imagine I am going to be a mother.

Susan felt her head was ‘less messy’ than it was at the beginning when there were so many emotions. She felt a lot calmer and also no longer felt like she was alone in this situation. She had a good cognitive shift as she was able to feel like there were other women in her situation who were worse off than she was – after all, there was nothing wrong with her fallopian tubes. Susan was able to laugh at the end of the session and was keen to tap on herself every day to keep clearing her negative emotions and focus on being more positive.

Louise Woods
louise email

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