The dilemma of letting go of anger


We feel anger when we perceive an injustice, when our boundaries have been violated, and/or when we feel wronged by another person. Sometimes this anger can persist for many years past the original event. It can even persist after the offending person dies!

by Stefan Gonick

However, there are times when an old anger is serving no useful purpose; there is no action to be taken. Instead, it is only causing us problems by weighing us down, causing stress and creating some kind of dis-ease within us. Once an old anger is identified as the root cause of some problem that we are having, it is usually readily relieved by tapping on the anger that we have towards the person. It typically helps to be very specific about the cause of the anger when tapping. For instance, rather than saying:

Even though I am furious at my ex-wife...

It is better to say something specific, like:

Even though I am furious at my ex-wife for cheating on me...

It can also help to pretend that the person is sitting in front of you and express all your anger feelings directly to the person while tapping.

After a few rounds of tapping, the anger will drain away and the current problem will clear up. At least, this is the usual situation. Sometimes, however, it doesn’t work out that way.

When anger won’t let go

I had a series of three clients some time back where tapping on their anger didn’t initially help much at all. In each case, the offence was a bad one that had happened a very long time ago. There was nothing to be done or even said to the offending person, and in one case the person was dead. Each of these clients was aware that the offending person was not being affected at all by their anger and that they were the only ones suffering. However, tapping was not relieving their anger.

When this happened with the first client, we were initially stuck for a while, but then I had a flash of intuition. I asked my client whether she felt that letting go of her anger would mean that the other person would somehow get away with what he did? A light bulb went off and she strongly agreed. It came out that she subconsciously felt that her anger was, in a cosmic justice sort of way, keeping the other person accountable for what he did. She was afraid that if she let go of her anger, it would mean that it didn’t matter what he did to her and he would get away with it without any consequences. Her anger was the only form of punishment that he was receiving. The dilemma was that the only person actually being affected by her anger was her, but letting go of her anger felt like it would be to his benefit.

So, we tapped on:

Even though he’ll get away with what he did without my anger...
Even though he won’t be accountable without my anger...
Even though it won’t matter what he did to me without my anger...

Later in the tapping we included affirming phrases like,

I release him to the Universe
He is subject to his own karma
I choose peace for myself

After several rounds of this kind of tapping, my client’s anger was gone, and she felt great relief and peace around the issue.

After encountering this same situation with the next two clients in a row, I felt that this insight might be helpful to others. So, if you find yourself having a hard time relieving your anger through tapping, look deeper within to see if issues of "cosmic justice" are getting in your way.

Hugs to all,

Stefan Gonick
Expert EFT Practitioner, Trainer, Mentor to EFT Practitioners and Love Coach

stefen email

Got an article?

If you’ve written an article about EFT or another meridian energy therapy, or reviewed a book or DVD and would like to share your work, just submit it to EmotionalBuzz for publication. Remember to include your email address or business website address.

Add article (100kb max):

If you have pictures to go with your article, embed them in the Word file.

Before submitting this form, please enter the characters you see in this image: Image verification

Free newsletter