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Three simple effective steps for surrogate EFT

Ranjana Appoo, creator of the Emotional Toothbrush series, addresses some of the common questions she encounters about surrogate tapping.

by Ranjana Appoo

People regularly ask me: how can I surrogate tap? What is the best way to surrogate tap? Do I use the first person when tapping? Do I imagine tapping on my child? How can I tap for someone while they are in hospital? Do I imagine that I am the person I want to help when tapping? How can I surrogate tap for my client? And so on.

This topic also comes up regularly in the monthly free EFT support group that I have been facilitating since 2003. Here I outline the surrogate EFT process that I find most effective, tell you about a non-scientific, fun experiment using this method and describe how you can use this process for overcoming emotional feelings about challenging EFT sessions.

Part 1: three simple effective steps for surrogate EFT

Having experimented with surrogate EFT over the years and come at it from so many angles, I now use a three-step process which seems to be very effective. It is simple and fairly quick to do. Once you get the hang of it you can become very inspired and creative, and it can be great fun. The more you do this the more insights you will get about the person you are helping and your inner intuitive wisdom will love being heard.

Many of my clients ask me if I am clairvoyant, I reassure all of them that I am not, I have no particular telepathic powers; simply that I always work on the assumption that we are one. The person that I am with, whether in my mind’s eye, physically, or on the phone is connected to me and me to them by the air we breathe, by the energy that flows through both of us and by the (conscious or unconscious) unconditional love that we share.

Sometimes clients, friends, family ask me to surrogate tap. In those instances I can test the effectiveness of the tapping by before and after questions, but there are times when I have surrogate tapped for a loved one, or a distressed child without their knowledge. I never tell them for that seems counterproductive.

When people ask me, “Don’t I need to ask the person for their permission before surrogate tapping?”, I respond, “Do you ask someone before you praise them or blame them? Is it OK for you to send someone your best wishes, your loving thoughts?”.

The response to this question is the answer. It indicates what you need to do. I do not ask for permission to surrogate tap, but you may need to. I trust completely that what is in the best interest of the person happens anyway, I just get to be part of the journey. For this I am truly GRATEFUL.

Here are the steps:

Step 1: Tap on your own issues and feelings regarding the situation/person/child

This is to clear any resistance or disruptions in your own energy system – to surrogate tapping, to the situation, to the person. I have noticed that the most effective surrogate tapping happens when we have cleared our emotional disruptions around the issue. Once we are in a place of peace and calm about the person or issue we can respond with clarity and deep intuition. Our negative emotions, or the emotions of wanting to make things right, to be in control, anxiety about the issue, are like a fog that prevents us from accessing the light of intuition and understanding.

While doing this, as you tune into your own feelings, notice if those feelings remind you of any specific event, or distressing memory. You can resolve these effectively using the movie technique. This will ensure that you can be objective when surrogate tapping.

Here are some examples of tapping setup statements you can begin with (the bold text would be the reminder tapping phrases):

Even though seeing ________ in pain is really hard for me, I feel helpless, powerless; I deeply and completely love and accept myself
Even though he/she is upset, they are suffering and there is little I can do, how can this tapping work, and it makes me feel _______, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
Even though I feel so upset/ sad/ angry/ worried/ scared/ anxious about ______, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
Even though he/she has this annoying habit/ they snore/ dribble/ repeat themselves, and it distresses me, I feel so uncomfortable with it; I deeply and completely love and accept myself

You can move onto the next step once you feel at peace with yourself in relation to the situation, person or child. It is very hard to help someone if you are feeling anxious. As my husband says, it is very hard to help a drowning person if you are drowning as well, and so first get out of the water and then you are in a great position to help someone else. And sometimes, clearing your own emotions can be sufficient to empower someone else, or to perceive the change in someone else.

Step 2: Tap on the person or child’s issues and feelings and anything else your intuition brings to your awareness

Once you feel clear, you can then tune into the person you would like to help. Tune in to all the things they have said, and your observations. Tune into to your body and notice if you are experiencing any unusual symptoms. You may be empathising and tuning into their underlying emotional drivers. You may be receiving information from Source (the higher consciousness) that is common to you both. You may even see an image of a specific event or distressing memory that is connected to the person you are tapping for.

If this happens then you can use the movie technique to resolve this. It is important to stay open in this step and just let it flow, after all, the other person need never know about your tapping statements.

Here are some examples of tapping setup statements (the bold text would be the reminder tapping phrases):

Even though ________ is feeling lost/angry/sad/ fearful/ in pain, I deeply and completely love and accept him/her/them
Even though he/she has (describe all their symptoms in as much factual detail as possible, this you would have got from observing and listening to them), I deeply and completely love and accept him/her/them
Even though he/she is upset/ sad/ angry/ worried/ scared/ anxious about (whatever your intuition is showing you, you may get a movie title related to a distressing memory) I deeply and completely love and accept him/her/them
Even though he/she is feeling (once again let your intuition guide you, there is no right and wrong, it is like stepping into someone else’s shoes and noticing what it feels like, is it too tight, too hard, lopsided...) I deeply and completely love and accept him/her/them

Move onto the next step once you feel relaxed and ready to hand this situation over to a higher power. You will notice that the twinges that you were experiencing in your own body will have abated or dissolved. You will notice a deep sense of peaceful compassion begin to fill you and also when you hold the person in your mind’s eye you may see them differently now. If your perception of them is now positive and empowering then the next step is a natural progression.

Step 3: Gratitude tap while visualising that the person is supported, nurtured and taken care of by the universal forces of love, peace and truth

In many spiritual traditions, gratitude is the highest vibration and is often the resonance that accompanies spontaneous healing and/or self-realisation. So it feels natural that the third step of this process would be gratitude tapping. Also this automatically allows us to access the unlimited potential of trust and love.

By combining gratitude tapping with visualisation we surrender (let go) of any personal agenda to an impersonal loving force to take over. By abdicating our personal will we have effectively opened the door to the many ways healing can manifest. I find this step liberating, not just because it reminds me that I am not in charge, but because it reminds me that magic is afoot and love, truth and bliss are my true reality.

Here are some examples of tapping setup statements (the bold text would be the reminder tapping phrases):

Even though he/she/they have been scarred / scared...I can see them surrounded by love and light, I am sorry, forgive me, thank you, I love you, I am grateful to the energy of love and peace that fills him/her/them.
Even though they are feeling_______, thank you God/ universe/ love/ peace for supporting and nurturing them
Even though that _______happened to them, I can see them surrounded by love and light, I am grateful to the energy of love and peace that fills us all.
Even though he/she/they have been scarred / scared...I can see them surrounded by love and light, I am grateful to the energy of love and peace that fills him/her/them.

By the end of this you may experience feeling uplifted. Be prepared for some interesting results

Part 2: Experimenting with surrogate EFT - tapping for others using three simple effective steps

In the October 2009 EFT Support Group we did an experiment using this three-step process with two people.

One of the participants, X, had come to the group with a headache and cold symptoms, bunged up sinuses and aching shoulders. We asked her if she would be willing to participate in an experiment. Before we began we asked X to describe how she felt. Everyone in the group paid attention as she described her symptoms. X was then asked to leave the room to sit in the lounge, not to tap or to do anything to make herself feel better, while we did some surrogate EFT...

We first tapped on our own issues and feelings regarding the person. Each one of us had something unique to us as individuals to bring to this step. The issues that came up included helplessness, powerlessness, dislike of illness, wanting to feel in control, annoyance, sadness, fear, anxiety, this cannot work, doubts. We even noticed specific memories connected to these feelings surface and we efficiently tapped through these with the movie technique. We noticed that as a group our breathing deepened and we all felt more relaxed and peaceful.

Next we tapped on the person’s issues and feelings and anything else our intuition brought into our awareness. At first we tapped on all the symptoms X had mentioned, but as we tuned in many in the group started experiencing sensations in different parts of their body. So we tapped on all those too, using Chasing the Pain Technique. As we did this we also had images of X move through emotions of fear and anger. When we all saw her in our mind’s eye releasing and relaxing, we moved on to the third step.

In this step we all had a lot of fun gratitude tapping. It was uplifting to visualise her supported, loved, free and enjoying herself. We then asked her to come and join us. The entire process took us 20 minutes (it took me much much longer to write about it!).

Her headache had gone completely. Her shoulders had relaxed considerably; she was still bunged up a little. We then asked her about the other symptoms we had experienced in Step 2 of the surrogate tapping process and the emotions we had tuned into and if they meant anything to her (X). She was astonished as everything that we had experienced was exactly what she had felt earlier, and those feelings had now dissipated. Was it just good guessing? Intuition? Coincidence? EFT?

We decided to try another short experiment. This time with Y, who was feeling panicked about an upcoming event in her life. Having asked her questions about how she was feeling and where she felt this in her body and what her intensity was, we asked her to leave the room.

Once again we went through the three steps: tapping on our own issues and feelings regarding Y and the situation. Then we tapped on Y’s issues and feelings and anything else our intuition brought to our awareness. This was amazing because now we were getting very clear images. We all noticed an uncomfortable sensation in our stomachs and had the experience of a child’s pain (in fact two people in the group had a very clear specific image of the person as a distressed child having to be responsible). We all tapped on this specific image after giving it a title and then tapped on other twinges, emotions and sensations, especially of cold, that were showing up. It was extraordinary.

Once all the images had subsided we went on to gratitude tap while visualising that the person is supported, nurtured and taken care of by the universal forces of love, peace and truth. This was also very interesting as we all saw her clearly held in the arms of peace (spooky and weird were the words we were using to describe this experience). The entire process took us less than 15 minutes, (we had a time limit: think of what we could have done if we spent more time on this – would it have made a difference?).

When we called Y in she looked incredibly relaxed. I have to say I was surprised as I did not expect such a noticeable change. We asked her if she did any tapping while waiting outside, she assured us that she did nothing. Her panic was not gone but was considerably reduced. When questioned about the child’s pain, the image of the distressed child having to be responsible, she shared that it resonated with her. And then without us prompting her she said (I am paraphrasing with her permission), “It feels like the lonely feeling in my stomach is abating, it was very dark, black, cold and solid before but now it is grey and not so overwhelming”. She then said that she felt held in an embrace of peace! Was it just good guessing? Intuition? Coincidence? EFT?

I leave it to you to decide.

Part 3: Using these three simple effective steps of surrogate EFT for clients that challenge you

This process is also a great for practitioners that have encountered, ‘difficult or challenging’ clients. It is a great way to heal the doubts that can creep in when you feel you have not been as effective as you would have liked to be. Or that the client has not responded well to any of your approaches, or that in the middle of a session things took an unwanted unexpected turn.

Step 1: Tap on your own issues and feelings regarding the situation/person/child

Once again as you tune in to these emotions notice any related specific events or memories that come to your consciousness/ awareness for you to heal with EFT now.

For example:

Even though it was a really difficult session, and I do not know if I helped them and I feel______ it reminds me of________, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
Even though he/she was really difficult for me to work with and I struggled, I do not know what they think about me; I deeply and completely love and accept myself
Even though it was my worst nightmare and I feel like an absolute failure, I deeply and completely love and accept myself

Step 2: Tap on the person or child’s issues and feelings and anything else your intuition brings to your awareness

For example:

Even though the client was ________, I deeply and completely love and accept him/her/them

Even though he/she had so many issues and problems, I could feel their _______ I deeply and completely love and accept him/her/them

Even though they were not responsive, that is what I think; I deeply and completely love and accept him/her/them

Step 3: Gratitude tap while visualising that the person is supported, nurtured and taken care of by the universal forces of love, peace and truth

For example:

Even though this is what happened, Thank you God/ universe/ love/ peace for this learning opportunity

Even though I was shaken by the experience, Thank you God/ universe/ love/ peace for taking care of this person, I trust __________ is being supported and nurtured for their highest good

Even though he/she/they have been scarred / scared...I can see them surrounded by love and light, I am sorry, forgive me, thank you, I love you, I am grateful to the energy of love and peace that fills us.

To summarise, here are the three steps for surrogate EFT that I use:

Step 1: Tap on your own issues and feelings regarding the situation/person/child
Even though I feel.... about this I love and accept myself

Step 2: Tap on the person or child’s issues and feelings and anything else your intuition brings to your awareness
Even though he/she feels.... about this I love and accept them

Step 3: Gratitude tap while visualising that the person is supported, nurtured and taken care of by the universal forces of love, peace and truth
Even though this.... Thank you God/ universe/ love/ peace for....

Love, joy and infinite gratitude,

Ranjana Appoo, creator of the Emotional Toothbrush Series
www.emotionalhealthcentre.com